Phantasies and Alternate Dimensions (feline_phantasy) wrote,
Phantasies and Alternate Dimensions
feline_phantasy

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Second Life and Relationships

I had a difficult choice to make recently and I knew there would be fallout - but it was of the kind I was expecting eventually but for a much different reason.

Three members of our clan were heavily into wrestling. It consumed their online lives and that's about all they ever talked about. Once they got into wrestling, anything to do with the Clan fell to the wayside...that is, until the subject of pixel babies came up.

Then there was a ruckus because the three of them thought it was somehow "infringing on their rights" for the Clan to have a rule about pixel babies (we didn't want to allow them).

When you roleplay a vampire or lycan in SL, you are that character no matter where you go. You don't stop being lycan or vampire if you wrestle or go elsewhere. The ONLY possible scenario where this might change is if you roleplay on a sim with a combat system enabled. In that case, you can be a different race.

If you're not involved in a combat system roleplay sim, then that means your avatar IS vampire or lycan - no matter where else they go. It's called "immersion" and it's what makes SL such a great place to roleplay. Immersion means you 'become' the character you represent.

Those who have played tabletop games know what this is like. You 'immerse' yourself into your dungeons and dragons, or vampire the masquerade, character for as long as you are playing the table top game. When you get up to go home or go to bed, you become your usual self again.

The difference between that and Second Life is when you're logged in, you become your character. If you want to do something different, you create another avatar for that purpose.

One member was basically saying that if he was on my sim, then he was a clan member, but when he left it, he was not. He was likening that to getting up from the table game and going home - and trying to say that doing so was the same as leaving the sim in SL.

Anyone with any roleplay experience in an Internet venue will tell you that is not how it works, at all. An 'identity' as a vampire or lycan doesn't magickally vanish when you change sims. It goes with you, just like your avatar does. This was true in IRC and things like AOL chatrooms; it's also true in virtual world 3D environments. Hell - it's especially true in 3D.

It's no different than being partnered to someone. You don't magickally become unpartnered or unmarried if you switch sims.

This is a WORLD. It's a world without borders or limitations.

Getting back to what started this post. Yes, sometimes I get distracted and go off on tangents, but you will soon see what led me there.

These particular 3 people were dead set on pixel babies and would not listen to the rest of the clan. To keep them in the clan, I agreed to a revision: If a person is hybrid (both vampire and lycan) they can have them, based on their Lycan side. Vampires, however, have to come up with a good roleplay rationale for having them, since their bodies are technically dead and not able to sire or have babies. This would require a plausible backstory or a magickal ritual.

I was not happy with this, and neither were the more serious participants of the clan, but we went with it.

Now, the same three people are gone, because one was the husband of a 4th. They broke up, and this ex and I decided to start seeing each other, since we already knew each other well from friendship. We didn't decide to start seeing each other till 3 days after the breakup and after both his sister and I talked him into not leaving SL altogether.

For a few days, we had peace. Then, tonight two of the three had wrestling, and we were invited. We decided to go wearing our 'love' tags. We expected trouble, and we got it.

The first thing everyone objected to was how 'soon' we began seeing one another. Evidently, the unwritten "rule" is that you stay single for a couple of weeks - or maybe a few weeks - this consensus seems to differ from one person to the next. At any rate, even though there was no chance in hell of S getting back together with J, he was "expected" to wait a week or more before seeing someone else - especially me.

Somehow I've become this evil bitch that "stole" S from J - even though we have never been alone or ever done anything we weren't supposed to, while S was married to J. Not once did we even HINT that we were going to sneak around...at the same time, J stopped paying much attention to S once they were married, as though she had "gotten" him and didn't have to work on the relationship, anymore.

Guess who he talked to on all those lonely nights when J was too busy to even share an IM with him? His family - and - me.

The night they broke up, I shared a voice call with J on Skype...and it didn't take her long to begin rifling through her friends list looking for what guys were single and potential new mates.

A cold, hard truth is that she is living with someone she met on SL, and the relationship is anything but happy. That alone should've kept her from getting involved with anyone new in SL - the fact that she was with someone and it was supposed to be serious.

There are those who will say that there's nothing wrong with becoming involved, having sex with, even marrying someone on SL, if you are in a serious romantic relationship in meatspace. They're also the same people who say virtual space is somehow not "real" and treat others like they're mannequins present for their entertainment (rather than real people interacting with real minds and feelings).

If you don't have clear and honest communication with your meatspace loved one, and they do not know you're running around with people on virtual reality, then, I'm sorry, but you are cheating. In virtual reality, it's mind-to-mind, heart-to-heart, spirit-to-spirit - and those are all things you should be sharing with your meatspace partner. If you feel the need to have a romantic relationship with someone in virtual reality without being honest with your wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend - you have problems with your meatspace relationship that really need to be addressed, instead of running away for a fantasy in a virtual world.

This woman was trying to find yet another guy in SL to "rescue" her from her current relationship. It's not a happy relationship. She wanted a meatspace relationship with S that he wasn't ready to give her. He told her that but she kept pressing for it - and yet she couldn't seem to give him the time of day otherwise.

So now they're all yelling that he lied when he said he was leaving SL. He did not lie - he fully intended on leaving, but people who cared very much about him talked him out of it. Of course they didn't know that and it was none of their business.

And there's still this thing about somehow "not letting enough time pass." I want to know who makes these stupid rules and why "everyone" seems to expect them to be adhered-to.

I won't miss those three people. They aggravated me with their inattention to what was supposed to be their family. They further irritated me with their forceful way of 'bending the rules' just so they could have their way. They didn't care about the clan, so I don't know why they stuck around to begin with.
Tags: second life, virtual worlds
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