contemplativeThe other day, when I got really upset, I managed to channel a huge amount of energy. I've come to the conclusion that I have a connection to the base energies that make the Universe what it is - this is a connection anyone could have, if they open themselves to it. I become like a big battery that charges up when it's tapped, whether I am consciously doing so to Heal or manifest a Spell - or if the tap is opened wide when I get into fight-or-flight. It's the latter that can cause me to go into a physical anxiety attack, which now makes my heart do lots of strange things, scarey things.
What I need to do is figure out a way to put an "on and off switch" on the "cable" which brings that energy into my solar plexus, so it doesn't accumulate with nowhere to go. I can do that just fine when I'm calm and wish to work with the energy for something good; it becomes destructive to me when I "charge up" because someone has gotten me massively upset.
See, the thing of it is, when I get upset, it's a defensive response, and I charge up quickly. I am aware that the energies came to me for me to use to protect myself; the problem is, if I let them go forth, not only can they blow light bulbs, but they can wreck electrical appliances - and hurt people. After all, the opposite of Healing is Destruction.
Trying to "dump the battery" into the ground takes time and quite a bit of effort, because I have to keep it all in, all harnessed till I do that. It's kind of like the movie The Firestarter - where she had to discharge into water or face lighting something on fire. It's really no different with me, except that I don't usually start fires with it.
No - instead, it stays bottled up, and now is directly affecting my heart.
What I need to do is visualize that on/off switch being there, so it doesn't just automatically charge me up for defense without conscious thought. It's either that or discharge it at the focus of my anger, and I really REALLY don't want to know what that would do.
Another idea I had was to go outside and lean against a tree, let the tree direct it into the ground just like it would lightning.
