Yes, at least one of my apologies was greeted with acceptance, and a lot of help.
I am a Shaman, and a Healer, first and foremost. I have worked with spirits all of my life, from childhood, on, even while being brought up in the Christian Faith. Our family was, you might say, "Christian with a twist".
A psychic vampire friend of mine - one with ethics, I know that's hard to believe, but true - once told me I had a couple of ancient demonic entities camped just outside my shields. At that time, he sent protection, and supposedly they were either banished or killed - but do things like that ever really die?
It is hard to describe how I have felt for nearly a month, especially for those who are not so self-aware. Routine words don't truly convey the feeling. I felt as though I was tied to the ground, weighted down, and having shit dumped on me every single day till I was drowning in it. Every insecurity, every fear that I have had to cope with - including those of abandonment, the root of my PTSD - were amplified.
Now that I'm clear of all of that I know in my heart neither Berial nor Tayla would do such a thing to me. As Tayla and I discussed it today, it came clear that "something" had used Berial's connection to get in at me. He was stressed beyond his limits or I'm sure he would've noticed. I was fighting a battle to get free so I was incapable of seeing it, and all I wanted was to be free and to stop feeling like I was, every single day. My reaction was to lash out and since I didn't realize what was in control, I attacked the two people I knew I had outside connections with.
While what happened on the 4th could be considered rude, it was not a crisis by any standards, and yet that's what I made it. They didn't slam doors on me. They were simply playing a game and didn't want to interrupt it. It turns out there was new downloadable content and since Berial's party got ruined, he wanted to play it.
Feeling bound down also caused me not to choose other social outlets while others were busy. I'm polyamorous, and we had the rule that as long as there was honesty, and I knew where home was, there wasn't a problem. I could have very well asked Berial if it was ok for me to go places with other male or female friends or even spend alone time with them. There was nothing wrong with that and I'm just as sure he would've been happy to say yes. He wouldn't want me sitting around alone miserable if there was something else I could do.
Tonight, Michael and I did a Cleansing ritual. Michael fired up the abalone shell with plenty of sage and frankincense and went throughout the house, filling each room full of the fragrant smoke. He then came out here and saged the hell out of my computer. We went outside and he saged the hell out of me, then went for a walk deosil around the house saging as he went. He went around the truck, saging it, and also around the tree out front, saging it. After that, he followed me, carrying the flashlight so I wouldn't trip, and I took some dead sea salt I have and sprinkled it around the perimeter, the truck, the tree.
Earlier in the day, after talking to Tayla, I took a shower and doused myself with dead sea salt water. Washed myself from head to toe, picturing the toxins flowing down the drain. A visit with the porcelain god (:P) also led to me picturing toxins going down the drain. Then, as I said, we followed up with the house cleansing ritual.
I heard something shift in the house when Michael lit the sage mixture.
I have also changed my shields so that if anything gets within sight of the house - on ANY plane - it will get zapped with cleansing energies on every possible frequency and every possible plane. All incoming connections, whether concrete-world or not, are likewise jacketed in sparkling, cleansing energies. Even the damned ants who are trying their best to invade the house are all nice and sparkly.
Speaking of critters. I did discover that we do have a leak under the house. I did a walk-around well before the ritual and heard it, so yeah, George has had water, and that's why he's not ready to budge yet. Considering that he was well-fed when he went on his jaunt I was more worried about him having water than food. I emailed Animal Control, and we will call them tomorrow, and see if we can get a live trap or some help in getting him out. In the meantime, I did put a bowl of water just inside the hole and blocked it with boards.
I don't mistreat people. I am not insane. I am not the type of person to go around bashing and beating up the people who love me. What I felt did not come from the people who love me, either. I even said to Michael it was like something dark and malevolent was messing things up.
Hopefully it is gone, now. I've regained one friend. I hope I can regain the other.