Why did I have a meltdown? Because certain people who claim to be friends can't be assed to cut me some slack and help me figure out a highly upsetting situation. That's right.
You know what really gets to me? People who claim to care about me automagickally assuming the worst when I'm trying to work out a problem, and they may be involved, though they weren't the direct cause. Hell - people who claim to be my friends but find they cannot be my friends anymore because I've had a falling-out with someone else.
In general, people who claim to be friends and are fine with you as long as it's smooth sailing - but the moment there's trouble, they suddenly can't be arsed or turn around and blame YOU.
I am fucking sick and tired of being automatically assumed to be the bad guy when something happens. The people who make these assumptions have their heads so far up their asses that they can't see anything but their own shit - and aren't inclined to pull their heads out and see how they can be of assistance to those who are supposedly their friends.
I have paid for most of a Second Life sim out of my own pocket. For those of you who are familiar with Second Life, you know how much that is. I have one friend who pays me a small amount every month, and now I have Shadoe who pays me a little more, but I still foot most of the bill. I ask for donations but get relatively little, yet there are plenty enjoying the fruits of my labor and cash. I keep certain vampires, lycans, and hybrids fed at my own expense. If I didn't like the luxury of 15,000 prims to build, I would likely have converted my sim to a homestead long ago or moved to Inworldz permanently. I stayed in SL because of people I thought of as friends. Because of people who trusted me and joined my clan.
Okay, now it's my time to ask when all those who have depended on me are going to stand up, have my back, help me out, show a little gratefulness for my generosity. I'm not talking about the 3 or 4 who are always there - I'm talking about the rest.
Tonight, I nearly said the hell with it. I really did. Shadoe and Trix are the only two who were present and made any effort to let me know that I am a valued and loved person. Other people did their best to make me feel like shit and instigate extreme emotions that are literally detrimental to my health. Yet again, I was given a harsh lesson in who is a real friend and who doesn't know the meaning of the word. Yet again, I was shown the truly selfish and self-serving underbelly of general humankind.
I don't want anything different than anything else. Some friends who are true friends, the kind that will grab me by the shoulders when something terrifies me and help me settle down and work things out. Not the kind who will automatically take personal offense, find a way to turn it all back onto me, and then spit on me and walk away. Not the kind that are all cushy when they're enjoying the fruits of my labor but get all spikey and ugly when there's trouble on the horizon. The kind that will go "hey, what's going on and can I help?"
True friendship is tested in times of trouble, not in times of peace.