July 8th, 2013

full moon

Conversation with Self.

I don't need your pity.
I don't need a sympathy fuck.
I don't need to be "taken care of".

I need to share my joys and sorrows with someone.
I need to feel safe enough to express my feelings, even when they may be difficult.
I need to be able to trust in promises made.
If you say "call on me when you need me", I need to be able to do that, and not feel like I'm intruding.

I don't need constant attention, but I do need "some" attention.
I don't need to be coddled, but I do need to feel wanted and needed.
I don't need blame, but I do need constructive dialogue and honesty.

Most people say they feel the same way and yet they miss out on the Big Picture. It is give-and-take. You can't just "take" and not give back. You can't just drain and not replenish. You can't use people as a toxic dumping ground for your psychic shit and not expect some blowback, or to get outright cut off.

The world isn't here to serve you, but there are plenty of people who would be happy to share. Share and share alike. Never forget they are real, feeling beings. Never forget that the things you would like to receive are likely the things you should also be willing to give. Never forget that if something hurts you, it likely would hurt them, too - or at least be something not-so-hot to do to someone else. Don't behave like a black hole if they ask for feedback. Don't keep everything to yourself and expect them to know by osmosis - whether they're psychic or not. Show how you feel. Show your love in action. Words are worthless without action to back them up. Don't think by demonstrating your love once, it should suffice. Keep demonstrating your love. Sometimes you have to apologize even if you don't think you're wrong, simply because what you did/said managed to hurt someone else. Don't always expect acceptance. Acceptance sometimes takes time. Be patient. If it never comes, at least you know you did the right thing. If people need to be let go to be happy, be willing to do it. You will get over the hurt. If you love them, you want them to be happy - but not at your expense. Sometimes you're just better off not having a relationship with certain people, and that's okay. The world is full of billions of others that might be a better fit. Don't compromise your own self-esteem, your personal power, nor your ethics to be in a relationship with someone. You don't have to, and it's false programming that says otherwise. It doesn't always work and that's ok. That doesn't mean you did anything wrong but at the same time, there are always things to learn from the experience. You are a good person. Maybe all you need to do is change the way you interact with others - or find someone who is solidly on your "wavelength". Life is full of lessons. Also let it be full of love.
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Psychic Energy - and things go BOOM!

It wasn't just the SIM card in my phone that was dead. It was the entire phone. The gal couldn't even pull the numbers off it. Considering this happened Saturday into Sunday, I know why it died. Wow.

George is still under the house. Nothing we have done has managed to get him to come out. We put a wire crate in front of the hole in the skirting and put some food and water in it. Hopefully he'll come out to at least eat and drink.

We may have to either get maintenance in here to take off skirting panels so we can flush him out or get animal control in here. George is dumb as a box of rocks and just won't budge. He really IS that dumb, plus he's scared of his own shadow.

Tomorrow is another day....


I was sitting on the porch, having a smoke, thinking about my dumb cat, when the thought just kind of wandered into my head -

Why are we so godawful mean to each other?

Now that I have a little distance and all the shit is cleared, that's the only thing remaining in my head.

Why the fuck do we beat each other up like we do?

How did things get to the point where love left and competition entered?

There was a lot of crap coming down that psychic pipe...stuff that's gone now, and I'm still sitting here and saying to myself WTF?

It's almost like you want to say "let's rewind and try that again" except that will never happen either. It's not that I wouldn't be willing to try it - it's the other people that were a part of the clusterfuck that would not. Nobody came out of this unscathed and others aren't as forgiving and flexible as I am. I'm also not sure it would turn out any different, so better to let sleeping dogs lie.
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