August 11th, 2013

kitty

Totally ridiculous.

There was only one thing that "nearly" went wrong at our wedding on Friday.

A hired thug came to blow up the sim, but was dispatched before he could do any permanent harm. You heard me, his plan was to destroy my sim and everything on it. Now some of you may think that it can't be done, but let me assure you, it can be, and has been done to other sims.

This past day and evening, my Captain of the Guard and I have been working to find out just who planned this little escapade. $500L well-spent got us the name of the person who forwarded the notecard and paid the fee; however, that person was simply an intermediary.

It was narrowed down to two possible culprits, both of which were associated with me. Both of them knew when the wedding was to take place. At least one of them knew the portion of the sim the venue was over was open briefly for rezzing, so anyone needing to do so at the last minute, could.

When we tried to explore the possibility of one, some people got butthurt and took their toys home. Accusations were flung back at me and I was not listened-to when I explained my train of thought. I was not assisted; in fact, I was hindered. Those people are no longer a part of my life, online or off, and won't be again. I'll be damned if I'll be treated that badly ever again.

The other was muted and banned because he caused people enough grief within 2-3 days to last a lifetime.

In the process of sorting this out, I found out, quite by accident, that the woman who was my Maid of Honor is not only in touch with my ex and his cadre - she's become good friends with them and they are staying on her sim. She claims she knows it was not my ex because she's been in voice chat, day and night, with him, and them, since Tuesday. She would not elaborate on how this came to happen, and she seems to think they're all injured parties in this.

What's worse is she spent the entire wedding in voice chat with these people. That's right. I had a Maid of Honor who had so little respect for what was going on that she thought it was a good thing to be in voice chat with my ex and his friends instead of paying attention to what she should have been doing. As a result, I had to point out the dance balls, and invite people to dance, and partake of the various refreshments I'd made available. Those were all things she should have done but was too busy voice chatting to do.

I wonder how she would feel if I chatted up her most recent ex and the ex-daughter who became his partner. After all, he was always respectful to me, so why shouldn't I? I may do that. Nevermind the fact that he hurt her, that they both did. They were always respectful to me and I had no problem with them (are you catching the sarcasm here?).

This may come to affect our chances at becoming a part of the motorcycle club we've been hanging around with, because this woman is a part of it, and that's how we found out about it. If the rest of them cannot judge us on our own merits, then I don't wish to be a part of it. Time will tell. All I know is we should've been invited to be prospects a full week ago and we weren't. They had a meeting and decided to enforce one of their by-laws that states no full time furries and no full time nekos. I'm not either one, but up till now, I did wear my tail around them. I was informed that it is "other MCs" that wouldn't accept my tail and I, so I shouldn't wear it in public situations where other MCs could see it.

I don't really care if she reads this nor what she thinks about it. It was downright RUDE to do what she did. Whatever made her think it was okay to be in full voice chat with anyone that day, much less my ex and his friends? What led up to them becoming such fast and furious friends on Tuesday to the point where they are staying on her sim? And just how does she know for certain that it was not my ex who was behind the griefing? She claims she knows for certain. I'd love to know what gives her such certainty. I don't have that level of certainty and I am sincerely wondering why she thinks her word alone is good enough.

I know my ex well enough to know that his way isn't direct confrontation - that's what made him run in the first place. No...his way is to charm, and worm in, and undermine. I got news for him: He still can't win. Even if he succeeds in luring people into his clan, he still isn't winning. If they are gullible enough to believe what he has to say, and choose to leave, then that's on them and I'm better off without them.

There are still tens of thousands of SL members, hundreds of MCs. If his friendship with this woman upsets our chances of becoming members in her MC, we will find another that's less likely to believe just one of their members and more likely to observe and judge on merit. Shadoe believes those we've made friends with will base their friendship more on what they have learned about us than what they may or may not hear from one member. I sincerely hope that's true, but there are those who won't blame me for being skeptical.

I have Shadoe. I have other friends who have proven both their loyalty and trustworthiness, time and again. Though it pains me to have upsetting change, Shadoe is right: We will work through this.
kitty

Right now...

...I am watching the sun come up and wondering why I'm not in bed yet. Oh wait, that's right, I had a meltdown earlier....

Why did I have a meltdown? Because certain people who claim to be friends can't be assed to cut me some slack and help me figure out a highly upsetting situation. That's right.

You know what really gets to me? People who claim to care about me automagickally assuming the worst when I'm trying to work out a problem, and they may be involved, though they weren't the direct cause. Hell - people who claim to be my friends but find they cannot be my friends anymore because I've had a falling-out with someone else.

In general, people who claim to be friends and are fine with you as long as it's smooth sailing - but the moment there's trouble, they suddenly can't be arsed or turn around and blame YOU.

I am fucking sick and tired of being automatically assumed to be the bad guy when something happens. The people who make these assumptions have their heads so far up their asses that they can't see anything but their own shit - and aren't inclined to pull their heads out and see how they can be of assistance to those who are supposedly their friends.

I have paid for most of a Second Life sim out of my own pocket. For those of you who are familiar with Second Life, you know how much that is. I have one friend who pays me a small amount every month, and now I have Shadoe who pays me a little more, but I still foot most of the bill. I ask for donations but get relatively little, yet there are plenty enjoying the fruits of my labor and cash. I keep certain vampires, lycans, and hybrids fed at my own expense. If I didn't like the luxury of 15,000 prims to build, I would likely have converted my sim to a homestead long ago or moved to Inworldz permanently. I stayed in SL because of people I thought of as friends. Because of people who trusted me and joined my clan.

Okay, now it's my time to ask when all those who have depended on me are going to stand up, have my back, help me out, show a little gratefulness for my generosity. I'm not talking about the 3 or 4 who are always there - I'm talking about the rest.

Tonight, I nearly said the hell with it. I really did. Shadoe and Trix are the only two who were present and made any effort to let me know that I am a valued and loved person. Other people did their best to make me feel like shit and instigate extreme emotions that are literally detrimental to my health. Yet again, I was given a harsh lesson in who is a real friend and who doesn't know the meaning of the word. Yet again, I was shown the truly selfish and self-serving underbelly of general humankind.

I don't want anything different than anything else. Some friends who are true friends, the kind that will grab me by the shoulders when something terrifies me and help me settle down and work things out. Not the kind who will automatically take personal offense, find a way to turn it all back onto me, and then spit on me and walk away. Not the kind that are all cushy when they're enjoying the fruits of my labor but get all spikey and ugly when there's trouble on the horizon. The kind that will go "hey, what's going on and can I help?"

True friendship is tested in times of trouble, not in times of peace.
kitty

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