November 13th, 2013

full moon

The dust is settling

It's strange how something can 'get' to you a couple days later.

I decided to departner Shadoe not because we didn't get, it was a matter of him trying to change an integral part of himself for my sake. I couldn't let him do that, anymore. It was causing problems, though it had little to do with any fault or blame. He needs someone who can make him the center of their world, and I can't do that and be myself. I'm too used to running my own life and it's not something I want to give up.

Be that as it may, I didn't do it without tears. I knew it was the best decision for both of us. Doesn't make it any easier.

Today I am feeling a little lost, but I expected this.

In other news, I've had Sage blocked for days, and am likely to keep it that way. When you block someone, anything they send you ends up in their trash where they can be seen before being deleted. I happened to see one of his latest notecards, and it was a doozy.

For the record, I don't think I'm any better than anyone else because I served time in the military. I worked my ass off, got a boatload of awards, including the AF Commendation Medal, and Non-Commissioned Officer Below-The-Zone (under 4 years). I am justifiably proud of my achievements but not once have I said they make me better than anyone else - and yet that's what I was accused of. In my opinion, anyone who has served in the military, no matter how long, or in peacetime or wartime, deserves kudos. I also don't care what branch you served in. Just the fact that you took a part of your life and devoted it to the defense and well-being of the country is enough to be recognized for.

That's not to say that those who never served are some how less-than. The military isn't for everyone. At the same time, I always encourage people to be the best they can be, at whatever they do. Above all, always remember you're not alone, be kind to your fellow human beings.

Today, I am redefining my identity. I made a promise to myself to do what makes me happy. Since I am a kindhearted person, I know I can do that without hurting other people. I have a fantastic family and many fantastic friends. However, I highly doubt I will become partnered again. One thing I learned about myself over the past few months is that I need to have room to make my own decisions without having to necessarily consult someone else. I own my sim, and if I'm going to make it profitable, I have to be the one making the decisions on what happens there. Yes, others have every right to make suggestions for improvements, but the final decision has to be mine. I can't stop to consult a partner first. Sometimes the decisions have to be fast.

I just don't think I'd do well with a partner, no matter how openminded they were. I believe I've become altogether too independent. I've seen it happen way too often where I'm going about my merry way and someone feels slighted. I'm better off being by myself that way. It's not a matter of not being able to compromise, I just do far better with my partner slot empty.

I'm not entirely by myself, though. King Ross protects me. My family is around me.

Just settling into the new "me" is going to take some time.