Phantasies and Alternate Dimensions (feline_phantasy) wrote,
Phantasies and Alternate Dimensions
feline_phantasy

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Painful Changes for the Better

Fall has always been a time of "emotional cleaning" for me, and this year is starting out to be quite painful in that respect.

Every year for the past 4 or more I have gotten a tooth abscess in the August-September time frame. In retrospect I think it signals the time of my cleaning-out period. A buildup of crap from the previous year - and things I've held onto - first manifests as physical illness. Perhaps now that I've realized this, I won't have another one.

Yes, I had one this year. I tried to heal it myself but had no choice but to get antibiotics in the end. During the time I was taking them, and recovering, the time for thought and process began.

Three years ago this Christmas, some precious and irreplaceable items were stolen from me. I know for sure that a collection of silver half dollars and dollars, some of which were rare, that were collected over the years by my family, walked out my door with this person. There may be more, but I'm not sure yet, because I haven't finished searching to see if I can find the bag that I kept my "portable altar" in is still with me. That bag contained large stone spheres, a handmade necklace full of charms that were given to me, my Girdle, and several other unique things. It's very likely that this bag walked out with her, too.

I didn't realize till now that I'd been carrying guilt about that incident all this time. The day she was leaving, ostensibly to spend time with her son, Michael was taking her roll-a-bag out the door and remarked on how heavy it was. A voice inside of me told me to stop him, to have him bring it back in, and open it. Another voice said don't be ridiculous, and that's unfortunately the voice I listened to.

All this time, I blamed myself for not stopping her.

I had to accept that I'd done nothing wrong. Sure, I could've listened to that voice, but I did not, and I cannot change that. That does NOT put the responsibility for the theft on my shoulders. I am the victim. By holding that energy, I was effectively "damming" the karmic energy that needed to flow from me to her. I also felt ashamed in front of my ancestors but, the truth of the matter is, all she took were things. Yes, they cannot be replaced, but they were still things. My ancestors would not hold that against me, especially since I did nothing to deserve being stolen from. Nobody deserves to be stolen from, period.

Accepting my own innocence and forgiving myself released a huge burden that was weighing down my heart, and preventing ME from doing my job on this earth - spreading Love and Healing.

That wouldn't prove to be the end of it, however.

I have a long-time friend who lives back in the state where I lived and grew up. In fact, at a time in my life when I was deliberately avoiding association with other people, he refused to take no for an answer, and would stop to see me at least once per week. He brought me back out of my shell, and it was through this that I eventually met Michael and moved to California.

A lot of "life" happened between those two things, however. Some of it wasn't very good. There were others that, for reasons I can only suppose, chose to abuse me in emotional and mental ways that I wouldn't wish on anyone. He failed to step in and stop it, and, for quite awhile, I did hold that against him. We had spoken about it awhile back, and that's settled.

What he's doing now, and the direction his beliefs and philosophy have taken, have once again brought me to a point of choosing. I tried to warn him that he was taking a path of hatred and fear. I tried to warn him several times. I sat back and watched while forces which are far more powerful than I tried to warn him and those he associates with. After the fact, I made it clear to him why the accidents happened, and what he was supposed to learn from it. He tried to change, but it was a matter of time before he was back, going down the path of hatred and fear.

Anyone who associates with, or supports the Tea Party is living in hatred and fear. I'm sorry, but you are. That's what they preach, and it distracts you from the real issues at hand.

Today, I tried, one last time, to warn him, and in the process, I've taken a step back from him. For all his knowledge and training, he's forgotten one thing: Everyone is tied together via energy, and if you have a relationship with someone, be that romantic or otherwise, the capability to influence another's energy is even stronger. Since I got the message to foster a positive flow or continue to slowly kill myself, I've gotten very serious about that. I need to, because my abilities are needed at this time more than any other. I could no longer allow the fear and hatred he was supporting to have a detrimental effect on me. To that end, I wrote him the following:

When I look at your page, this is what I see.

I see a man who supports climate change deniers, even as Big Oil and fossil fuels and fracking continue to destroy this planet.

I see someone who supports the Evangelical Christian Agenda of abolishing the Separation of Church and State, and making this a country with a state-sponsored religion - namely, Christianity. If they had their way, they would make any other religion illegal and persecute those who practice - including you.

I see someone who is anti-womens-rights and believes that men have the right to dictate what a woman does with her own body, as well as paying her less wage because she's female, and engaging in blatant and sanctioned misogyny.

I see someone who wants to see all aid programs abolished, even those that help your daughter and grandson. Someone who thinks I don't deserve the aid that I have, even if I can't work. Someone who doesn't think it's worth their time to be their brother's keeper, even if that's the only way we can survive as a species. Someone who was robbed of Medicaid by a governor who could care less, and yet, can't seem to see how such programs can and do benefit him and his family.

I see someone espousing hatred against other races and religions - Mexicans, Muslims, etc. - because they're different - and making no distinction whatsoever between those that love peace and those who propose radical war.

I see someone who is anti-gay and anti-marriage-equality.

I see someone supporting the idea of "this is Murrica, we speak English" - forgetting that the Spanish and British stole this land from the Native Americans and, many decades later, America was called the "Melting Pot" because your Polish ancestors and many others came here and didn't know how to speak English, but learned.

I see someone who is separatist, segregationist, and fearful of anything different, even as they espouse to BE different.

I see someone who would rather see corporations run education in this country and indoctrinate his kid and grand kids with a philosophy that destroys their ability to be critical, free thinkers, and made decisions for themselves.

I see someone who swallowed the wrong pill, and continues to live in the Hologram, not realizing that the people and the programs he is supporting are sweeping the very rug out from under his feet and the feet of his heirs.

I've tried to wake you up. I've tried to make you see the lies. You continue to support the very people who think of you as a bug to be crushed, and that's just plain insanity.

You can't be pro-Tea Party and cherrypick what you believe. No, with them, you swallow the entire package.

I hope some day you can get back to the point where you're truly fighting for the Innocents in this world, and not living in a state of fear and hatred. I'll be here when you finally wake up.


When I left Wisconsin, it went "black" in an energy, Pagan sense. It would seem I was the last "anchor" keeping people going in a positive direction. In my mind's eye, I can see that cloud of darkness, and it's trying to head west. It's not getting as far as it would like, because there are a lot of Lightworkers on this side of the country.

I recall a prophecy many of us held, years ago, based on a vision a certain Native American had (I cannot recall her name at this time). The prophecy was that the Dragon's Back would break, there would be a great flood that flowed down the Mississippi, taking out at least one state on either side, all the way to the Gulf of Mexico. This would essentially split the country in "half" with the Eastern Seaboard on one side, the huge river in the middle, and the rest of the country to the West. We were told that we had to get West before 2012 or we would be swept up and die in this flood.

The Dragon's Back, in this case, is the upper peninsula of Michigan, below Lake Superior. It is the natural barrier between Lake Superior, which is slightly higher in elevation, from the Mississippi, which is slightly lower. If that were indeed moved, we would have a situation of "biblical proportions' as put out in the prophecy.

2012 came and went and the U.P. of Michigan is still there. However, I have come to believe that a "flood" not of water - but of energy - did indeed follow the trail of the Mississippi all the way to the Gulf. I also believe that energy is very black, and it poisons all things and all people that it touches.

I'm the only one out of our group to have made it West before this occurred. I'm also the only one who has not bought into the Republican, Tea Party, or Libertarian agenda. I've also distanced myself from the Democrats, believing all of them feed from the same trough. That trough is full of campaign contributions from people like the Koch Brothers and other corporate entities.

I have looked for people trying to foment real change, mainly "on the ground", mainly grassroots. Occupy. Code Pink. Anonymous. U.S. Uncut. The Coffee Party. Free and Equal. LGBT Nation. The Anti-Media. There are more, but that gives you an idea.

I've also been following pages having to do with archeology, positive change, soul energy. We Are Humanity. George Takei. Soul Speaking. Enchanting Minds. Growing Bolder. Mother Earth News. Temple of Balance. Again, there are more, but you get the idea.

I don't share everything I see, but I do share that which I believe will either educate, or enrich others' lives. I am striving to avoid anything that foments hatred and fear of "other", especially brown people and those of different faiths.

I took a step back from K because he's fallen down the rabbit hole of the Tea Party, and no matter what I have done, he has to learn for himself that he's done so. I had to "loosen" our connection for a bit, and heavily censor it. I am in a fragile place right now and I refuse to allow the toxic energy associated with his new beliefs to prevent me from healing, growing stronger, and moving on.

I absolutely refuse to end up back in the muck "way down below" where I was before. I refuse to let spiritual leeches feed on me. I've set my boundaries.

I have to.
Tags: energy, friendships, korporate amerika, paganism, politics, real life, shamanism
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