Phantasies and Alternate Dimensions (feline_phantasy) wrote,
Phantasies and Alternate Dimensions
feline_phantasy

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Fear and Self-Esteem

There are two things that drive people to behave very badly, and those are fear, and low self-esteem (yes, we have other things like greed, the drive to procreate, and sociopathy, but those are for another time). I maintain that the two are interconnected. Why? People with low self-esteem tend to also be very fearful individuals, because they lack a solid base from which to approach life. They tend to externalize everything, including grabbing at external forms of validation, which, for the most part, are superficial and fail to give them the sense of a solid base that they crave. They tend to be suspicious of others, even those close to them, because they've failed to learn how to trust their own judgment. They are easily swayed by smooth-tongued politicians and other public figures, because they've bought into the lie that they cannot think for themselves, and must be "led".

This is just as true in virtual life as it is in the concrete. I've now been a citizen of virtual reality for more than 6 years, and during that time, I've seen a boatload of fear-driven people with low self-esteem. They tend to go from one lover to the next, either leaving because they didn't get enough extenal validation, or being kicked to the curb because they made it all about themselves to the relative exclusion of others. In Bloodlines, I have seen these individuals backstab and undermine others because they see them getting validation that they somehow think they deserve - but it's never enough, so they go from clan to clan. They are the ones that most often demand titles in whatever clan they go to, want to be stacked, want to be set up as something that's not even real - and why? Because, for a little while at least, they feel like they've gotten some external validation, even if they don't put in the effort normally expected with such title. I have had people try to "lord over" me, just because they wear a certain title, and most of the time, they aren't even in my clan!

The same goes for people who announce, via username, display name, profile, or some other way, that they are a Master or Mistress, when, in fact, they truly have no idea what a true Master or Mistress IS.

This driving need to dominate over others has its roots in both fear and low self-esteem. Adults that have healthy self-esteem do not fear others or situations nearly as much. They tend to be happy, well-balanced people who, for most situations, are able to brush off the attacks of others. Titles, both real and imagined, don't mean much to them, because they would behave the same way, whether they had the title or not. They're grateful for the validation, but the the way they feel about themselves doesn't DEPEND on this validation. They are sincere when they are kind and helpful to others, not seeking anything but mutual happiness and satisfaction.

My wish is to see more people come to a point in their lives where they stop letting fear control them and learn how to love themselves, because they won't realize true inner peace until they do.
Tags: fear, republican douchebags, second life, self-esteem, virtual reality
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